Imagine hearing your own child say, “I wish you were not my parent.”
That sentence can break a parent in ways that money cannot repair.
But before you become angry with the child, ask yourself a painful question: What did the child experience while growing up that made them feel this way?
Parenthood is not simply about giving birth to a child, paying school fees, providing food, or putting a roof over their head. Those things matter, but children also remember how they were treated.
They remember the words you used when they made mistakes.
They remember whether you listened to them or dismissed everything they said.
They remember whether home felt like a place of safety or a place where they were constantly afraid.
They remember whether you encouraged them to become themselves or forced them to become the person you wanted.
Providing for a child is not the same as raising a child
Some parents believe that because they sacrificed financially for their children, the children have no right to complain.
But raising a child involves more than financial responsibility.
A child may have everything materially and still feel emotionally abandoned.
A child may attend the best school and still feel unloved.
A child may have food on the table but never feel heard.
And sometimes, parents who believe they are being “strict” may not realise that their children experience that strictness as rejection, humiliation or fear.
But children also have responsibilities
This conversation should not become an excuse for children to disrespect their parents.
Parents are human beings. They make mistakes. They can be tired, frustrated, financially pressured or emotionally wounded themselves.
Not every disagreement means a parent failed.
Not every punishment means abuse.
And not every child who says, “I regret having you as my parents,” is necessarily telling the whole story.
Children can misunderstand their parents. They can also make unfair judgments, especially when they are young.
That is why communication matters.
What kind of parent will your children remember?
One day, your children will become adults.
They may move away.
They may build their own families.
They may become successful.
And eventually, they will look back at their childhood.
The question is not only:
“Did I provide for my children?”
The deeper question is:
“How did my children feel when they were around me?”
Did they feel respected?
Did they feel safe?
Did they know they could talk to you?
Did you apologise when you were wrong?
Did you celebrate their achievements?
Did you allow them to have dreams different from yours?
Did you teach them discipline without destroying their confidence?
These questions can be uncomfortable, but good parenting requires uncomfortable self-examination.
Your children are not your property
Giving birth to a child does not give a parent unlimited ownership over that child’s life.
Children are individuals with their own personalities, talents, fears and ambitions.
Your responsibility is to guide them—not to control every aspect of who they become.
You may want your child to become a doctor, while the child dreams of becoming an artist.
You may want them to live exactly as you did, while they want to create a different future.
Parenting requires wisdom to know when to guide, when to correct and when to let go.
Before it is too late
If your relationship with your children is already damaged, don’t wait for them to become adults before trying to repair it.
Talk to them.
Listen without immediately becoming defensive.
Ask them what hurts them.
And when you discover that you were wrong, apologise.
An apology does not make a parent weak.
Sometimes, the words “I was wrong” can heal years of emotional distance.
The goal of parenting should not be to make children afraid of you.
It should be to raise adults who can look back and say:
“My parents were not perfect, but they loved me, listened to me, corrected me and gave me the foundation to become who I am.”
Because one day, when your children are old enough to tell their own story, what will they say about you?
Will they remember you as the parent who gave them everything except peace—or the parent who gave them both provision and love?
FOLLOW US ON:
FACEBOOK
TWITTER
PINTEREST
TIKTOK
YOUTUBE
LINKEDIN
INSTAGRAM
