A painful question about family values, parental neglect and the growing culture of extravagant funerals: Why do some children struggle to make life comfortable for their ageing parents but spare no expense when organising their burial?**
There is a painful contradiction in the way some families treat their elderly parents.
While their parents are alive, they struggle to receive financial assistance, proper healthcare, comfortable accommodation and even basic necessities. Some spend their final years worrying about food, medication and survival, despite having children who can afford to make their lives better.
But the moment those parents die, something changes.
Suddenly, money becomes available. Expensive coffins are purchased, elaborate burial ceremonies are organised, matching outfits are distributed, lavish receptions are arranged, and enormous sums are spent to impress relatives, friends and the wider community.
The same children who struggled to support their parents in their lifetime can suddenly spend millions giving them an elaborate farewell.
**But what exactly are we celebrating when the people we claim to honour were neglected while they were alive?**
## When a lavish burial becomes more important than a parent’s comfort
In many African communities, particularly in Nigeria, burial ceremonies have become major social events.
For some families, a parent’s burial is an opportunity to demonstrate wealth, social status and family influence. The more expensive the ceremony, the greater the impression it may create.
There is nothing inherently wrong with giving parents a dignified burial. Parents deserve honour, and families have every right to celebrate their lives and remember their contributions.
However, the real question is whether the same commitment, generosity and financial sacrifice were demonstrated when those parents were still alive.
Why spend millions on a coffin but struggle to pay for essential medication?
Why organise an expensive reception but never provide your ageing mother with a comfortable place to live?
Why invite hundreds of guests to celebrate your father’s life when he spent his final years feeling abandoned?
These are uncomfortable questions, but they deserve honest answers.
## Parents need more than birthday messages and funeral speeches
Many elderly parents do not necessarily expect their children to make them wealthy.
Sometimes, all they want is regular communication, a little financial assistance, access to healthcare, respect and the reassurance that they have not been forgotten.
A telephone call can mean everything to a lonely parent.
Paying for medication can save a parent unnecessary suffering. Providing food and a comfortable living environment can make their remaining years more peaceful.
Yet, some parents spend their final years waiting for attention that never comes.
When they eventually die, their children may stand before mourners, deliver emotional speeches and describe them as the greatest parents in the world.
But the question remains: Did they experience that love when they could still appreciate it?
## The pressure to impress society
One possible explanation for extravagant funerals is social pressure.
In some communities, families feel compelled to organise expensive ceremonies because they fear criticism from relatives, neighbours and society.
Some believe a modest burial will be interpreted as a sign that the deceased was not respected.
But should public opinion determine how much money a family spends on a funeral?
Should the desire to impress people become more important than making an ageing parent comfortable?
Perhaps it is time to reconsider what honouring our parents really means.
A parent’s dignity should not depend on the price of their coffin, the number of guests at their funeral or the amount of money displayed during their burial.
## Love should not wait until the funeral
The greatest tribute to a parent is not necessarily an expensive burial ceremony.
It is making them feel loved, respected, valued and supported while they are still here.
If you have ageing parents, do not wait until their photographs are displayed beside a coffin before remembering their sacrifices.
Visit them. Call them. Support them according to your ability. Listen to their concerns. Help them access healthcare. Give them reasons to smile.
Because once they are gone, no amount of money can bring back an opportunity you wasted.
**A lavish burial may impress society, but it cannot rewrite a lifetime of neglect.**
## The question Nigerians and Africans should answer
This conversation is not about condemning every expensive funeral or assuming that every child who spends millions on a burial neglected their parents. Some families genuinely cared for their parents throughout their lives and still choose to give them a grand farewell.
However, it is about challenging a disturbing contradiction that deserves public attention.
**Why do some children struggle to spend money making their parents comfortable while they are alive, but suddenly find millions to spend when those parents die?**
Perhaps the real measure of love is not how much we spend saying goodbye, but how much we do to make life meaningful for those we claim to love.
*NewsBreak365 — Real News | Real People | A Better Africa.*
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