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Homosexuality scandal rocks Nigerian Catholic Church

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•How Reverend Father sexually abused me – Former altar boy
•Church rebukes priest

A homosexuality scandal may have broken up in the Catholic Church in Nigeria following the conclusion of investigations into allegations of sexual abuse against a priest at the Catholic Diocese of Ijebu-Ode, Ogun State.

After two separate verdicts of guilty and not-guilty, the church ordered that the accused, Reverend Father Kenneth, be formally warned to steer clear of scandals.

The Bishop of Ijebu-Ode, Most Rev. Francis Adesina, in a letter dated July 30, 2025, said the verdict to rebuke Father Kenneth was reached in accordance with canon laws.

The decision, however, led to calls for a review of the case, including imposition of stricter sanctions, amid claims of cover-up and ongoing risks to children in the church.

The whistleblower, Bayo, claimed that no fewer than nine “brothers” were sexually abused by the priest, who also allegedly introduced them to homosexuality.

The 33-year-old also stated that all the evidence he submitted was not forwarded to the Dicastery for the Doctrine of the Faith, the Catholic church’s disciplinary office in Rome.

The complainant expressed fear that some of those involved in the alleged homosexual acts with the reverend father had become priests and might be doing the same thing to children under their care.

Narrating the series of abuse he allegedly suffered, Bayo claimed that his ordeal started when he was barely 14 years old.

He explained that a former Imomo (Ijebu Ode) parish priest while leaving the community, introduced his family to Father Kenneth, who was taking over the parish.

Bayo was critically ill and needed help for a surgery at the time.

Kenneth and the then Bishop of the Ijebu Ode diocese, Albert Fasina, then supported the family in getting the surgery done at a private hospital.

About four months after the operation, the boy’s father died.

“Following this event, I got close to the church and Father Kenneth; it was from here that I developed the call to priesthood. As I was getting better gradually, the diocese of Ijebu Ode offered me a scholarship to one of their best schools in Ijebu-Ode, Sacred Heart Catholic College.

“Moved by Father Kenneth’s kindness and care, I decided to live with him in the mission house, giving myself in whole to him to be formed in gratitude for the part he has played in my life. This was towards the end of 2005 when I was 13,” he added.

Living with a priest was considered a big deal at the time, hence Bayo said he felt privileged to stay with the reverend, whom he saw as a saviour.

While at the mission house, he met four ‘senior brothers.’

“I and Father saw each other like father and son. He sometimes called me his legally adopted son because he was charged to court by my dad when he was desperately intending to help me and my mother.

“As I was told, he won the case and won me to himself. He never left me to be hungry for the things of the world and God’s happiness. I desired and loved God so much through him. He was like a perfect father to me.”

Bayo was schooling far away at the time and was spending a lot on transportation, funded by Father Kenneth and the church.

The reverend father, according to him, later asked him to move in with a friend living close to the school to reduce cost.

However during the weekend, he returned to the mission house at Imomo.

One such weekend when he was about 15, Father Kenneth saw him on the same bed with one Bro Seyi, said to be about 24 years old.

The priest was said to have frowned on this.

Bayo said later that day, Father Kenneth warned him against lying on the same bed with any of the brothers.

But no reason was given.

He said when he confronted Bro Seyi, the latter told him it was because he (Bro Seyi) was ‘sexually aroused’ when Bayo rested his head on his chest.

“All these events I kept in mind, waiting for further enlightenment from Father Kenneth, since he was the closest friend I had.

“One afternoon, Father Kenneth called me into his room to massage his body. I was surprised that he called me to massage him, because it was only the four senior brothers that were inclined to do that at that time.

“Alone in his room with him, I was expecting many questions about the recent happening between me and Bro Seyi. But he talked about himself and told me he was still a virgin. I was happy to hear that and I told myself he must be a faithful priest.

“He asked me again, do I know why God answers his prayer when he prays for people? I answered no, he said it was because he did not fornicate around with women.”

Bayo said he was surprised when the priest said he sometimes saw him (Bayo) being aroused while talking to the opposite gender.

He claimed the priest promised to teach him how to control such sexual urges publicly.

The priest allegedly asked him to undress and engaged him in a sexual act until he climaxed.

“Although I enjoyed the sensation, I did not like the whole affair but I didn’t have the mind to tell him how I felt because at that time, I took him like my God. This activity with Father Kenneth was repeated for several weeks after that day and then it went into months and then into years. This act occurred at least three times in a week,” he added.

After the act, Bayo said he was encouraged to take a lot of proteinous food, particularly milk.

He explained that while he felt bad about the sexual act, he did not see anything wrong with it at the time because all he knew was that priests were not supposed to have romantic relationships with women.

“At first, I found it an unpleasant act, but did not have any concrete reason for it, neither did I have the courage to say no to this priest who was instrumental to my recovery.

“What made the whole situation so unusual for me was the fact that I was not inclined to reveal my nakedness to anyone. Father Kenneth, however, counselled me to the contrary, saying that his intention was to keep me away from girls and that by this act, I won’t have any sexual feelings towards girls.

“I gave in, but without understanding the full meaning or consequences of this act. All of this made me very unhappy and I knew in my heart that this was wrong but at my age, 15 years old at that time, I didn’t know how to go about it.”

Catholic Church, Ijebu-Ode

According to Bayo, there was no sexual entry at this time; just masturbation.

However, after two years, when he was close to 18, the priest allegedly proposed to have a real sexual act with him.

The request, he said, he turned down.

“I was still young and very afraid. As I became a bit older, he brought it up again and said he would masturbate me, while I entered into him.”

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Bayo said he agreed to  it, though he believed it was a plot by the priest to do the same to him.

“This new behaviour happened from that time until I left the community. When we both climaxed the first time, he asked me to tell him the difference between my semen and his; I said his was whiter than mine; mine was just colourless like water. He said it was because I was still young. That time will come when mine will be like his. I did not know how to respond to this. I kept thinking about everything and I felt it was all wrong, but still I could not say anything.”

The sexual act, according to him, happened at least twice a week.

He explained that after completing secondary education, he joined a group formed by Father Kenneth and was assigned to live close to the priest’s room.

Bayo alleged that this gave the priest unfettered access to him.

“I was also put in charge of the livestock. This was the time I began to notice that I was not the only person with whom Father Kenneth had sexual activities. I remember Father Kenneth listed to me all the people he does it with.

“It got to a stage when two of Father Kenneth’s sex partners wanted me to share my sexual feeling with them; they tried every way to win me to themselves by showing concern for me and assisting in getting things done and even buying me things. I am not sure what they thought my sexual orientation was, but they just kept coming for me. I was surprised when Father Kenneth drew my attention to these same brothers and asked if I could practise it with them.

“I told him I couldn’t do it with any person except him. He didn’t insist against my will, but he advised me saying it was better to have one of the brothers as a sex partner so that if he was away on a journey, I would have someone to practise it with. I never liked this way of life in the first place, so why would I? His persistence was adding more to my problems.”

Soon after, reports of the alleged homosexual activities in the mission house began to spread in the community.

Bayo claimed that those with such perversions enjoyed more favour in the church than others.

He also noted that he was caught in the middle and did not know how to escape the grasp of the sexual abuse, insisting that he had feelings for women and was not a homosexual.

In 2011, he started studies at the Don Bosco Institute of Philosophy in Ibadan, Oyo State.

At the school, he was part of a seminar which exposed the evil of homosexual activities.

In the end, Bayo said he was convinced to stop the immoral act and he started avoiding Kenneth, including not delivering messages to him.

“He called me one day and asked me what was wrong with me. I told him about the seminar, especially our discussion on homosexuality. He responded by trying to liken our relationship with that of John the Beloved and Jesus. I knew where he was going with his idea, so I ignored him and left.

“Because of my reaction to him on that day, he said he was going to withdraw me from school because he thought we were not being taught the correct thing. It took two years for me to boldly make a decision to leave Father Kenneth and his congregation.”

As rumour of the alleged activities of the priest spread, Bayo announced to Father Kenneth that he was leaving the community, never to return.

The priest, however, protested the move.

Two years later, Bayo became ill as he worried about survival and payment of his school fees.

But he got help from a group called the Guanellians (Superior of the Servants of Charity).

Bayo claimed that as he was about completing his studies, reports of the homosexual activities of the priest and his congregation got to the school.

“A few weeks before I completed my studies in June 2014, the Dean of Studies called me to express concerns about the academic performance of some of the brothers. He called me because I was once one of the senior members of the community.

“The rumour of sexual abuse was everywhere and I heard the rumours myself. Finally, I disclosed my story to the dean in confidence and out of trust. After all, I had been looking for someone to trust. He said that being a student in an ecclesiastical institution, and being the case of abuse that I reported an event that occurred in another ecclesiastical institution, he was bound by canon law to care for the victim and ensure that the victim had the chance to disclose his situation to the competent authority.

“The Salesians have it as a rule that serious issues in the institute and in the Salesian formation house at large are reported to the provincial superior. So, this matter was brought to the knowledge of the provincial superior. Consequently, he sent a request to see me through the dean of the institute.”

The dean then advised him to document his experience.

Bayo said he was writing about his ordeal when Father Kenneth called him on August 13 and 14, 2014, saying he got information that someone was writing about the abuse to the Nuncio (the pope’s representative).

He said he denied knowing anything about it.

Two days later, he got a threat message from an unknown number.

“Make u carry ur evidence o. Check ur phone we dey monitor ur calls and texts. If “PANYA” do dat congregation or father, after 12 hours u go be past tense. Guy no take me for joke, we dey follow u,” a part of the alleged text message said.

Bayo became afraid for his life and began to take caution of the places he visited and who he spoke to.

Despite the alleged threat, he completed his writeup, which he sent to one Father Jorge, the superior of the institution.

As the news spread that he had written a petition against the priest, Bayo fled to Ghana.

On January 31, 2015 while still in Ghana, he was called by Father Michael Banjo, a priest of the Diocese of Ijebu Ode, notifying him that a commission of experts had been set up to look into the matter.

‘Can we still make love?’

Bayo supplied an audio clip to Saturday PUNCH which he claimed was his recording of a telephone conversation between him and Father Kenneth.

In the five-minute phone call, which Bayo claimed held two months after he left Imomo, he asked after the “brothers” in the mission house and apologised for not calling Father Kenneth as the latter requested.

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Father Kenneth: I just said you should call. I knew I would call you…the way I was feeling, thank God I was able to control myself a little, because I almost jumped down…I almost…I knew I had to come down, I would have started romancing you….I tried you in the night, your line was switched off…

Bayo: Yes, no light. Are you in my mum’s place?

Father Kenneth: No, I’m….

Bayo: Because she too, she flashed me twice, I was thinking that you’re in her place…

Father Kenneth: Can we still make love?

Bayo: I don’t know for now, father…I have many things on my head, I have to do some things, I’ve been working left and right to get some things done

Father Kenneth: We need to sit down and talk. We need to see, we need to talk

Bayo: I don’t want to come to Imomo. Did you hear me?

Father Kenneth: Yes, but ehn…

Probe opens

A document dated February 17, 2015, written by the former Bishop of Ijebu Ode, Father Albert Fasina (now late), confirming receipt of the allegation against Father Kenneth.

The document said, “To further the matter, I have constituted an Investigating commission to be headed by Fr. Thaddeus Bini. OFM. (JCD). He will gather the evidence from all the parties concerned, which as required by the church’s universal law on this matter will be sent by the diocese to the Congregation for the Doctrine of Faith in Rome for further action.

“Please note that neither the bishop nor the investigating commission is competent to make a judgment on this matter as this competence belongs to the CDF.”

Bayo said while the report of sexual abuse against the church was still pending, Father Kenneth attempted to destroy his reputation.

According to him, the priest accused him of making up the allegations, which created hostility towards his family as his mother was unable to return home.

“Members of the village even threatened to place a curse on my family and friends. I reported these threats to Bishop Ayinde Fashina, who stated that the only assistance he could offer was to send me out of the country.

“Acting on his advice, I applied to a US school under the understanding that the diocese would sponsor my studies. I was granted admission, obtained my visa, and arrived in the United States.”

Schooling abroad

Our correspondent obtained an affidavit of financial support issued by Fasina, dated June 28, 2018, confirming that the Ijebu Ode diocese would sponsor Bayo’s one-year professional course in special education at the Community College of Spokane, Eastern Washington.

The letter said the diocese would be responsible for all expenses, including tuition and accommodation.

“However, once I was here, Bishop Fashina refused to pay my tuition and demanded that I withdraw my accusation against Father Kenneth, which I declined to do. The diocese ultimately provided no financial support toward my education.

“A few months after I left Nigeria, Bishop Fashina convened his own judgment panel and rendered a decision in favour of Father Kenneth.”

Bayo alleged collusion between Fasina and Father Kenneth, and queried why he was not introduced to the lawyer who stood in for him in the matter as was the standard practice of the Catholic church.

“Based on the events that transpired, I believe the diocese of Ijebu Ode facilitated my departure from Nigeria to conceal the deeper secrets within the church and protect those involved,” he added.

Not guilty, guilty

The Most Rev. Francis Adesina, the Bishop of Ijebu Ode who took over from Fasina, while communicating the decision of the church to Bayo, said Father Kenneth would be rebuked.

He explained that having studied the acts of the preliminary investigation, the Dicastery for the Doctrine of the Faith (DDF), with a letter on December 2, 2016, requested that Fasina should conduct an extrajudicial penal process into the matter.

In August 2018, Bishop Fasina then wrote to the DDF, stating that he had conducted the extrajudicial penal process and found the accusation against Father Kenneth to be unsubstantiated.

He noted that while the letter containing the outcome of the renewed process was subsequently received by the DDF, the complete acta were still not received.

“In light of this, the DDF wrote to Bishop Fasina in October 2018, requesting that he transmit the full acta of the case, including a formal conclusory decree argued both in lure and in facto, and making a declaration concerning the re veritate.

“When no response was received, the DDF followed up in September 2020, this time addressing the request to me, who had by then succeeded Bishop Fasina as the Bishop of ljebu-Ode, following his retirement.

“Subsequently, I reported to the DDF that I had met with Bishop Fasina and carefully examined the diocesan archives, but no trace of the documentation could be found; and that, consequently, a new extrajudicial penal process would be initiated and the complete acta forwarded to the DDF along with a formal conclusory decree.

“During the extrajudicial penal process that I initiated, Father Kenneth submitted to the panel a conclusory decree dated 2019, bearing the signatures of Bishop Fasina and Monsignor Gabriel Ayankoya, who was the Vicar General of the diocese.

“On this basis, Father Kenneth’s canonical advocate argued that the case had already been adjudicated and that initiating a new process would violate the canonical principle of ne bis in idem; that is, that no one may be judged again for an offence already tried. I forwarded the document to the DDF and sought guidance.

“The DDF, noting that it had not previously received the document, instructed that the extrajudicial penal process should proceed as authorised. This process was subsequently concluded with a finding of guilt against Father Kenneth. The DDF, in November 2023, then requested that Father Kenneth either petition for dispensation from the clerical state or face dismissal but not without first granting him the opportunity to provide his final defence.

“Following this, the DDF received the defence of Father Kenneth through his canonical advocate. As part of this submission, a DVD recording was presented containing an interview with the late Monsignor Gabriel Ayankoya.

“In the recording, Monsignor Ayankoya confirmed that the extrajudicial penal process had indeed taken place under Bishop Fasina, that he served as Notary during the process, that he had witnessed the issuance of the final sentence by Bishop Fasina and signed it, and he attested to the authenticity of the sentence.

“In light of this confirmation, the DDF acknowledged the validity of the earlier proceedings and applied the canonical principle of ne bis in idem.

“Nonetheless, after carefully reviewing the entire case, and considering the seriousness of the original accusation, your credibility as the accuser, and other surrounding concerns, the DDF observed that a degree of suspicion remained regarding Father Kenneth’s conduct.

“Therefore, during its session of 9th May 2025, the DDF imposed a canonical rebuke and issued a warning, instructing Father Kenneth to prudently avoid any persons or situations that could compromise his obligation to observe continence or cause scandal among the faithful.”

Catholic law breached?

A Catholic priest, who spoke to Saturday PUNCH on condition of anonymity because he could not be seen openly criticising the church, said justice was not served in the matter.

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The reverend father, after reading a copy of the bishop’s decision letter sent to Bayo, said there were contradictions in the statement, describing it as troubling.

He also wondered why the civil authorities were not involved since the complainant was a minor when the abuse started.

“The bishop’s letter repeatedly invokes canonical procedure and the Dicastery for the Doctrine of the Faith, yet admits to grave irregularities.

“The complete acts (acta) of the case were never transmitted in full to the DDF for years, despite multiple Vatican requests (2016, 2018, 2020). This omission is a breach of can. 1719 CIC and Sacramentorum Sanctitatis Tutela (art. 16), which require that all acts be preserved and forwarded.

“The complainant was not informed of the canonical lawyer allegedly representing him. This violates Vos estis lux mundi (VELM, art. 6), which guarantees victims the right to participate and to have representation of their choosing.

“The principle of ne bis in idem (no double trial) was applied despite evidence that the first process was procedurally defective. Canon law (can. 1645 §1, 4°) allows a case to be reopened when new evidence emerges or when serious procedural irregularities have occurred.

“The bishop’s own letter concedes that ‘a degree of suspicion remained’ about the priest’s conduct, yet the penalty was only a canonical rebuke (can. 1339 §1 CIC). Church law (SST, art. 6) treats sexual acts or advances toward minors as delicta graviora warranting dismissal from the clerical state when credible evidence is found.”

According to him, the complainant was a vulnerable minor under both the canon law and Nigerian civil law.

He wondered how the purported phone conversation between the duo presented by Bayo did not affect the outcome of the investigations.

The priest said the church’s Vos estis lux mundi, Pope Francis’ 2019 Motu Proprio On the Protection of Minors and Vulnerable Persons, and the Pastoral Guidelines for Responding to Allegations of Sexual Abuse, were violated as per the rights of victims of abuse.

He wondered why the accused priest was not suspended during investigations.

“It is noteworthy that nowhere in the bishop’s letter is it stated whether Father Kenneth was temporarily removed from ministry pending the investigation.

“According to Canon 1722 CIC, the diocesan bishop, after hearing the promoter of justice and citing the accused, may at any stage of the process remove the accused from sacred ministry or office to prevent scandal, protect the freedom of witnesses, and safeguard the course of justice.

“This precautionary measure is strengthened in Sacramentorum Sanctitatis Tutela (art. 19) and the 2020 CDF Vademecum (§§58–62), which direct that, once an allegation has the semblance of truth (notitia de delicto verisimilis), restrictions on ministry should be applied immediately. The omission of any mention of such a measure raises serious questions about whether the diocese fulfilled its canonical and moral duty to protect the faithful during the pendency of the case.

“If, in fact, no precautionary suspension was imposed, this would represent a clear breach of safeguarding obligations under both canonical and universal church norms. The failure to restrict a priest from public ministry in the face of a credible allegation involving a minor not only jeopardises the safety of other potential victims but also undermines the church’s credibility in handling such grave matters.

“By limiting the response to a mild rebuke while acknowledging ongoing suspicion, the diocese sends a dangerous message: that clerics can retain ministry even when credible allegations of sexual misconduct with minors remain unresolved. This undermines Pope Francis’ repeated call for “zero tolerance” (Address to the Pontifical Commission for the Protection of Minors, 21 September 2017).”

Relatives face threat

The Bishop of Ijebu Ode diocese, Adeshina, declined comment on the matter.

He said, “This is an internal matter of the church, and I am not allowed by law to speak to the press about it.”

Father Kenneth, during a phone conversation with our correspondent, said he could no longer hear the journalist after the allegations were laid out.

The following conversation ensued:

Saturday PUNCH: Good morning sir

Father Kenneth: Good morning

Saturday PUNCH: I am so sorry for disturbing. I have been trying to reach you. Am I speaking with Reverend Kenneth?

Father Kenneth: You’re calling from where?

Saturday PUNCH: I am calling from PUNCH…Well done sir, with the great job you’re doing and the work of God.

Father Kenneth: Thank God

Saturday PUNCH: Sir, I’m calling because of a case in front of me and I felt that no matter what I should speak with you about the case. I was told a decision was taken over an allegation of sexual abuse and I was told you were rebuked. And I spoke to the complainant, who said you abused him and others in your care. So, I need you to respond

Father Kenneth: Hello…hello

Saturday PUNCH: I can hear you clearly, it is very clear…

Father Kenneth: Hello….helloo

Subsequent attempts to get him to speak proved abortive.

In less than three minutes afterwards, his phone was switched off.

A text message sent to him on Thursday at exactly 11.48am, in which our correspondent repeated the allegations, were not responded to as of 11.59pm on Friday when this report went to bed.

The complainant, Bayo, later called to say some priests were bombarding him with calls and urging him to stop the story.

He also claimed that members of his extended family were facing backlash and were scared for their safety.

Saturday PUNCH subsequently sent a message to Bishop Adeshina to report the alleged threat, urging the church to address the allegations instead.

A spokesman for the diocese, Rev. Michael Banjo, on Friday, said the decision to rebuke Kenneth was taken from Rome.

He said, “From the outset in 2015, Bayo was informed that, under the universal law of the Catholic Church, cases of this nature are referred to the Dicastery for the Doctrine of the Faith (DDF) in Rome for final determination.

“In line with the DDF’s directives, the diocese undertook the necessary canonical investigations, which were thorough and impartial, and forwarded the complete acts to the DDF for review.

“After a thorough process that included multiple stages of examination, the DDF issued its judgment in May 2025. Bayo has been advised that, if dissatisfied, the proper recourse is to appeal to the DDF, which remains the competent authority on this matter.

“The diocese takes objectivity, truth, and safeguarding very seriously, and remains committed to ensuring that all matters are handled with fairness, due process, and respect for the dignity of all parties involved.”

A request for confirmation of Banjo’s claim was sent to the Holy See Press Office (Rome) by Saturday PUNCH.

However, there was no official response to the email as of press time.

*********************************

Editor’s note: The actual name of the accused priest has been changed since he has not been prosecuted or convicted. The complainant’s name has also been changed due to safety concerns.

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Lifestyle

Parents, You Cannot Neglect Your Children Emotionally Today and Expect Them to Love You Unconditionally Tomorrow

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Some parents spend years neglecting their children’s emotional needs, yet expect unlimited love, respect and attention when they grow old. But have we forgotten that family relationships are built through years of actions, not simply blood connections?**

There is an uncomfortable conversation many families avoid: the emotional responsibility of parents towards their children.

In many African households, parents expect unquestionable respect, obedience, loyalty and lifelong support from their children. Children are often reminded that their parents brought them into the world, paid their school fees, provided food and shelter, and made sacrifices to give them a better future.

But there is another side of parenting that rarely receives enough attention.

**What happens when parents provide everything materially but fail to provide the emotional love their children desperately need?**

What happens when a child grows up in a home where affection is absent, encouragement is replaced with criticism, and emotional expression is treated as weakness or disrespect?

And what happens when that child becomes an adult and begins to distance themselves from the very parents who raised them?

## Providing for Children Is Not the Same as Loving Them

Some parents believe that providing food, clothing, education and shelter is sufficient proof of love.

While financial provision is an important parental responsibility, children need much more than material things.

They need parents who listen when they speak, comfort them when they are hurting, encourage them when they fail and celebrate their achievements without jealousy or unnecessary comparison.

A child needs to feel safe enough to express emotions without being insulted, humiliated or constantly reminded that they are worthless.

Unfortunately, some parents spend more time correcting their children’s mistakes than recognising their achievements.

Some constantly compare their children with their neighbours’ children. Others use insults, threats, intimidation and emotional manipulation as methods of discipline.

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Over time, these experiences can damage the emotional connection between parents and children.

## The Emotional Wounds Children Carry Into Adulthood

Not every wound is visible.

A child may grow up with a roof over their head and enough food to eat while silently struggling with emotional neglect.

Some adults still remember being rejected by their parents, never receiving a genuine compliment, being constantly criticised or feeling that nothing they did was ever good enough.

Others remember how their parents treated them differently from their siblings.

Some children grow up believing that they must achieve something extraordinary before they deserve their parents’ affection.

These experiences can affect how people develop relationships, express emotions and build confidence as adults.

And when they eventually become financially independent, some choose to create emotional distance from their parents.

This does not automatically mean they hate their parents. Sometimes, it means they are trying to protect themselves from relationships that have caused them years of emotional pain.

## Why Do Some Parents Demand Love They Never Demonstrated?

One of the biggest contradictions in some family relationships is that parents who rarely demonstrated affection while raising their children later expect constant attention and devotion.

They expect their children to call every day, visit frequently, provide financial assistance and make personal sacrifices for them.

But they rarely stop to ask themselves whether they built the emotional foundation for that relationship.

Some parents believe that age automatically guarantees respect and affection.

Others interpret every disagreement as disrespect, forgetting that children eventually become independent adults with their own opinions, boundaries and experiences.

Being a parent deserves respect, but parenthood does not make anyone immune to criticism or accountability.

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**You cannot demand an emotional connection while refusing to acknowledge the emotional damage that may have weakened it.**

## The African Parenting Culture: Is It Time for a Change?

In many African societies, questioning parental behaviour is often considered disrespectful.

Children are frequently told that parents are always right, regardless of how they behave.

Phrases such as “I am your father,” “I am your mother,” and “You must never question me” are sometimes used to shut down conversations about emotional pain.

Respect for parents is an important cultural value. However, respect should not become an excuse for emotional cruelty, intimidation or the refusal to accept responsibility.

African parents must understand that modern parenting requires more than authority and discipline.

Children need guidance, boundaries, affection, emotional security and understanding.

A healthy family should be a place where children feel loved, not a place where they constantly fear making mistakes.

We must also recognise that many parents were raised in difficult environments themselves. Some never experienced affection from their own parents and therefore struggle to demonstrate it.

Understanding their background may help explain their behaviour, but it does not mean harmful patterns should continue into another generation.

## Children Also Have Responsibilities

This conversation should not be interpreted as permission for adult children to mistreat their parents.

Children also have responsibilities to treat their parents with kindness, dignity and respect.

Not every parent-child disagreement is evidence of emotional neglect, and not every distant relationship is entirely the parent’s fault.

There are parents who genuinely sacrificed everything for their children and still experience rejection or abandonment.

There are also children who behave unfairly towards loving parents.

Every family situation is different.

However, parents and children must understand that meaningful relationships require effort from both sides.

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Love cannot thrive where there is constant humiliation, resentment, manipulation and a refusal to communicate.

## The Lesson Every Parent Must Understand

If you want your children to remember you with affection, give them reasons to remember you with affection.

Be present in their lives. Listen to them. Encourage them. Apologise when you are wrong. Celebrate their successes and support them through their failures.

Do not make your children feel that they must earn your love.

And when they become adults, understand that your relationship with them must evolve. They are no longer little children who must obey every instruction without question.

**The truth is simple: You cannot spend years planting emotional pain and expect to harvest unconditional affection without addressing the damage.**

Parenting is not just about bringing children into the world. It is also about creating an environment where they feel valued, protected, respected and loved.

Because one day, your children will grow up, build their own lives and make their own choices.

The question is: When they look back at their childhood, will they remember a home filled with love or a place they spent their adult lives trying to recover from?

—

## LET’S HEAR YOUR OPINION

Do you believe parents who emotionally neglect their children while growing up should expect unconditional love, attention and financial support from them in old age?

Should children always forgive their parents, regardless of how they were treated?

**Share your thoughts in the comment section. This is a conversation African families need to have.**

*NewsBreak365 — Bringing important conversations to the forefront.*

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Lifestyle

Money, Titles and Positions Should Never Make You Feel Superior to the Poor

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Wealth is not a licence to humiliate others. Having power does not make you a god, and occupying a position of authority does not give you the right to treat less privileged people as though they are beneath you.**

There is something deeply disturbing about people who acquire money, political influence, professional titles or positions of authority and suddenly begin to behave as though they are more human than everyone else.

Give some people money, and their attitude changes overnight. Give them a political appointment, and they begin to treat ordinary citizens with contempt. Give them a powerful position, and they forget that the people they look down on deserve the same dignity and respect as they do.

But when did financial success become a measure of human worth?

## When Money Becomes an Instrument of Arrogance

In many societies, particularly across Africa, wealth and social status are sometimes treated as measures of importance.

People are judged by the cars they drive, the houses they own, the clothes they wear and the political connections they have.

Unfortunately, this mentality has created an environment where some wealthy individuals believe they have the right to intimidate, insult, embarrass and disrespect those who have less.

Some people cannot even speak politely to a security guard, cleaner, domestic worker, market trader or ordinary employee because they believe their financial position makes them superior.

But the truth is simple: **Being wealthy does not automatically make you respectable. Your character determines how much respect you deserve.**

## Your Position Today Is Not Guaranteed Forever

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One of the greatest lessons people should understand is that life is unpredictable.

The person enjoying enormous wealth today could face financial difficulties tomorrow. The politician occupying a powerful office today may become an ordinary citizen after leaving office.

The boss giving instructions today may one day need help from someone who previously worked under them.

Positions change. Wealth fluctuates. Influence fades.

That is why humility should never be sacrificed for temporary achievements.

You should never use your present circumstances to humiliate someone whose struggles you do not understand.

## The Poor Are Not Less Human

Being poor is not a crime, a character defect or a reason to be treated without dignity.

Some people are struggling financially despite working extremely hard. Others have experienced circumstances beyond their control.

A person’s bank balance does not determine their intelligence, kindness, integrity or value as a human being.

The security guard deserves respect. The cleaner deserves respect. The labourer deserves respect. The unemployed person deserves respect.

Respect should not be reserved for people who can afford expensive clothes, luxury cars and impressive titles.

If you can only respect people who have money, then perhaps you do not understand the true meaning of respect.

## True Greatness Is Found in Humility

Real greatness is not demonstrated by how many people fear you, how many people bow before you or how many people depend on your financial assistance.

It is demonstrated by how you treat people who have absolutely nothing to offer you.

A truly influential person does not need to humiliate others to prove their importance.

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You can be a billionaire and still be humble. You can occupy the highest political office and still treat ordinary citizens with dignity.

You can have everything money can buy without losing the humanity that makes you who you are.

**Never become so wealthy that you forget the poor. Never become so powerful that you begin to see yourself as a god.**

After all, no amount of money can purchase genuine humanity.

## Final Thoughts: Have We Confused Wealth With Human Worth?

Perhaps the biggest problem in our society is that we have started measuring people by what they possess rather than who they are.

We celebrate expensive lifestyles but sometimes ignore good character. We admire powerful people even when they mistreat others, simply because of their influence.

It is time to rethink our definition of success.

Money should improve your life, not destroy your character. Position should give you an opportunity to serve, not an excuse to oppress. A title should represent responsibility, not superiority.

**Remember this: You may be richer than someone, more educated than someone or more powerful than someone, but you are not more human than them.**

—

### NEWSBREAK365 DISCUSSION

Do you think money, political power and social status have made some people arrogant and disrespectful towards the poor?

Why do some people suddenly change their attitude towards others immediately after becoming wealthy or occupying positions of authority?

Is humility becoming a rare quality in our society?

Share your thoughts in the comment section.

**Newsbreak365 — Bringing Issues That Matter to the Conversation.**

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Lifestyle

The Millions You Couldn’t Spend on Your Parents While They Were Alive, You Will Spend on Their Burial When They Are Gone

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A painful question about family values, parental neglect and the growing culture of extravagant funerals: Why do some children struggle to make life comfortable for their ageing parents but spare no expense when organising their burial?**

There is a painful contradiction in the way some families treat their elderly parents.

While their parents are alive, they struggle to receive financial assistance, proper healthcare, comfortable accommodation and even basic necessities. Some spend their final years worrying about food, medication and survival, despite having children who can afford to make their lives better.

But the moment those parents die, something changes.

Suddenly, money becomes available. Expensive coffins are purchased, elaborate burial ceremonies are organised, matching outfits are distributed, lavish receptions are arranged, and enormous sums are spent to impress relatives, friends and the wider community.

The same children who struggled to support their parents in their lifetime can suddenly spend millions giving them an elaborate farewell.

**But what exactly are we celebrating when the people we claim to honour were neglected while they were alive?**

## When a lavish burial becomes more important than a parent’s comfort

In many African communities, particularly in Nigeria, burial ceremonies have become major social events.

For some families, a parent’s burial is an opportunity to demonstrate wealth, social status and family influence. The more expensive the ceremony, the greater the impression it may create.

There is nothing inherently wrong with giving parents a dignified burial. Parents deserve honour, and families have every right to celebrate their lives and remember their contributions.

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However, the real question is whether the same commitment, generosity and financial sacrifice were demonstrated when those parents were still alive.

Why spend millions on a coffin but struggle to pay for essential medication?

Why organise an expensive reception but never provide your ageing mother with a comfortable place to live?

Why invite hundreds of guests to celebrate your father’s life when he spent his final years feeling abandoned?

These are uncomfortable questions, but they deserve honest answers.

## Parents need more than birthday messages and funeral speeches

Many elderly parents do not necessarily expect their children to make them wealthy.

Sometimes, all they want is regular communication, a little financial assistance, access to healthcare, respect and the reassurance that they have not been forgotten.

A telephone call can mean everything to a lonely parent.

Paying for medication can save a parent unnecessary suffering. Providing food and a comfortable living environment can make their remaining years more peaceful.

Yet, some parents spend their final years waiting for attention that never comes.

When they eventually die, their children may stand before mourners, deliver emotional speeches and describe them as the greatest parents in the world.

But the question remains: Did they experience that love when they could still appreciate it?

## The pressure to impress society

One possible explanation for extravagant funerals is social pressure.

In some communities, families feel compelled to organise expensive ceremonies because they fear criticism from relatives, neighbours and society.

Some believe a modest burial will be interpreted as a sign that the deceased was not respected.

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But should public opinion determine how much money a family spends on a funeral?

Should the desire to impress people become more important than making an ageing parent comfortable?

Perhaps it is time to reconsider what honouring our parents really means.

A parent’s dignity should not depend on the price of their coffin, the number of guests at their funeral or the amount of money displayed during their burial.

## Love should not wait until the funeral

The greatest tribute to a parent is not necessarily an expensive burial ceremony.

It is making them feel loved, respected, valued and supported while they are still here.

If you have ageing parents, do not wait until their photographs are displayed beside a coffin before remembering their sacrifices.

Visit them. Call them. Support them according to your ability. Listen to their concerns. Help them access healthcare. Give them reasons to smile.

Because once they are gone, no amount of money can bring back an opportunity you wasted.

**A lavish burial may impress society, but it cannot rewrite a lifetime of neglect.**

## The question Nigerians and Africans should answer

This conversation is not about condemning every expensive funeral or assuming that every child who spends millions on a burial neglected their parents. Some families genuinely cared for their parents throughout their lives and still choose to give them a grand farewell.

However, it is about challenging a disturbing contradiction that deserves public attention.

**Why do some children struggle to spend money making their parents comfortable while they are alive, but suddenly find millions to spend when those parents die?**

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Perhaps the real measure of love is not how much we spend saying goodbye, but how much we do to make life meaningful for those we claim to love.

*NewsBreak365 — Real News | Real People | A Better Africa.*

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