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Police removed me from my abusive marriage — Victoria Inyama

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What do you remember most fondly about the era of filmmaking when you were active on the movie scene?

I remember the authenticity. We were very real, down-to-earth, humble, and hungry to showcase our talents. There was no competition, no obsession with views or popularity. We just wanted to act, even when many of us didn’t fully understand what the industry entailed. We got into it with passion and truly enjoyed it. That sincerity is what I remember the most.

Many fans would love to see you on the screen again. Are you open to a comeback, or has your passion shifted completely to other things?

My passion has shifted, but if the right opportunity comes along, I would gladly step in front of the camera again. Right now, though, my focus is on psychology, wellness, and mental health; supporting people on their journeys of healing and well-being. That’s what truly drives me now.

What’s one role you played that still lives rent-free in your mind today?

I loved all my roles. Each of them was impactful in its own way. I don’t take on roles just for entertainment; they have to mean something. If I had to pick one, it would be ‘Love From Above’. It touched on domestic violence at a time when I didn’t even fully understand what domestic violence was. Life later gave that role a deeper meaning for me.

You’ve become a vocal mental health advocate and are training in therapy. What inspired you to go down that path?

I have always cared deeply about people and been curious about why we behave the way we do. Psychology gave me the tools to study and understand human behaviour. Growing up in Nigeria and later moving abroad exposed me to very different cultures, and I wanted to know: what truly shapes us?

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How do our experiences and beliefs influence our identity?

Spirituality has always been central to my life, but I also wanted to go deeper. That curiosity led me to psychology. For me, it’s not only about mental health, but about wholeness and well-being.

You’ve been living in the United Kingdom for a while. What do you miss the most about Nigeria?

I mostly miss my friends. Apart from that, not much. Nigeria feels chaotic compared to where I live now—in a quiet village in Kent. I have become accustomed to the calm here, so while I miss the people, I don’t necessarily miss the environment.

What have you learnt about identity as you navigate life abroad?

My experience has been different from many others. When I came to the UK, I stayed with my dad, who worked in the House of Commons, so I didn’t struggle with integration the way some people did. I focused on academia, which made things easier for me. That said, navigating identity abroad is complex, and sometimes there are things I prefer not to say openly for professional reasons.

How do you keep your Nigerian roots alive in your everyday life and parenting?

I speak Igbo to my children, teach them about their culture, and stay active in our family and village meetings. I am proud of my heritage. I come from a beautiful royal family, and I instill that pride in my kids. Roots give you confidence and identity. That’s why I make sure my children know who they are and where they come from.

If you could go back in time and give young Victoria one piece of advice, what would it be?

Don’t be too kind. Kindness is beautiful, but people often take advantage of it and mistake it for weakness. When you eventually push back, you’re painted as the bad person. I still remind myself to set boundaries and not be overly accommodating.

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In a world full of filters, how do you stay true to yourself on social media?

By being content. I don’t fake it. I don’t believe in “fake it till you make it”; that’s too stressful. I’m not a fashionista; I’m more focused on academics and personal growth. Education and training will take you far, not pretense.

Even my children know this. My eldest son is entrepreneurial, but I insist he gets at least a degree and a Master’s, because education gives you the foundation to manage your future. On social media, I post and move on. My work is sensitive, so I don’t get into unnecessary exchanges.

What’s your secret to staying fresh and young?

I mind my business. In the past, I tried to correct people on social media, but I learnt it wasn’t worth the backlash. Peace of mind and letting go of unnecessary stress keep me looking and feeling young.

You’ve spoken candidly about surviving abuse. How did your personal experience shape your counselling and healing?

Psychology has been instrumental in my healing. It gave me knowledge and tools to understand what I went through. My spirituality also helped, through forgiveness, gratitude, and letting go. That’s how I’ve been able to move forward.

You once said domestic violence is a norm in Nigeria. Can you elaborate?

Unfortunately, many people in Nigeria don’t recognise domestic violence for what it is. They see it as normal. I have been attacked online for speaking out because the assumption is always that the man is the abuser, when women can be perpetrators too.

Over time, I realised that society often brushes it aside. If the abuser is wealthy or influential, people excuse it. It used to hurt me deeply, but now I see how normalised it is. The mentality really needs to change.

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How did you find the strength to leave your toxic marriage?

I didn’t leave; I was removed by the police. That’s the truth. I wouldn’t have left otherwise.

What advice do you have for women trying to reclaim their voices after years of silence and domestic violence?

Move on and live your life. Improve yourself, release the pain, and don’t let the past destroy your future. In psychology, we say, “the body keeps the score.” Stress leaves marks on the mind, heart, and even physical health. Many survivors later develop illnesses because of the toll stress takes. My advice is to let go, focus on your healing, and make the best of the life you still have.

How do you balance being a mum, psychologist and a public figure all at once?

I can’t tell you exactly how I do it; I just take it one day at a time. First of all, being a mother is everything. After God, my kids come first. Having a great relationship with them is paramount, because I don’t want them to have miserable childhood memories. I make sure I’m present for all three of them. They’re young adults now, and they need guidance and direction. We are friends, but with healthy boundaries.

With my master’s in applied psychology and coaching psychology, I also support people through therapy. My style is personal because I know what it feels like to be in certain situations. Even though everyone’s experiences differ, there’s often a sense of sadness or drowning. My duty is to help lift people up.

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🔥 A HARD QUESTION FOR CHRISTIAN WIVES: WHY DO YOU RESPECT YOUR PASTOR MORE THAN YOUR HUSBAND?

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Some wives can stand before their pastor with a gentle voice, a respectful attitude, and complete attention. They will never speak to their pastor the way they speak to their husband at home.

But when they get home, the respect disappears.

Is that really the kind of Christian character God wants?

Before you get angry with this question, examine yourself.

📖 Ephesians 5:33 (KJV) says:

“…and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

The Bible does not tell a wife to reverence her pastor while treating her husband with contempt.

But let us also be fair: God did not command husbands to demand respect while refusing to love their wives.

📖 Ephesians 5:25 (KJV):

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”

Marriage is not a competition between husband and pastor.

Your pastor may preach to you, counsel you, and pray for you—but your husband is the person you chose to build a life with.

If you can speak politely to your pastor, why can’t you speak politely to your husband?

If you can listen patiently to your pastor, why can’t you listen patiently to your husband?

If you can honor your pastor publicly, why must your husband receive disrespect privately?

And husbands, this message is for you too:

You cannot demand the respect you refuse to give.

📖 1 Peter 3:7 (KJV):

“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife…”

A Christian home should not be a place where one person demands submission while the other refuses to show love.

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Respect should go both ways. Love should go both ways. Honor should go both ways.

📖 1 Corinthians 16:14 (KJV):

“Let all your things be done with charity.”

🔥 THE REAL QUESTION IS THIS:

If your pastor saw the way you speak to your husband at home, would he recognize the same Christian character you display in church?

👇 BE HONEST:

Do you think some Christians give their pastor more respect than they give their spouse?

YES or NO? Tell us why in the comments.

And if this message challenged you, share it with someone who needs to hear it.

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WHEN MAJOR DECISIONS ARE KEPT HIDDEN, THE FOUNDATION OF A MARRIAGE BEGINS TO CRUMBLE

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Marriage is built on trust, honesty, communication, and unity. When one spouse begins making major decisions in secret—especially decisions involving money, family, relationships, property, or the future of the home—the damage can go deeper than the decision itself. Secrecy creates suspicion, suspicion weakens trust, and when trust disappears, the foundation of the marriage begins to crumble.

The Bible says:

“Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.”
— Ephesians 4:25 (KJV)

Husband and wife are no longer two separate people living independent lives; they have become one. Therefore, major decisions that affect the family should not be hidden from one another. Transparency is not weakness—it is a sign of respect and commitment.

The Bible declares:

“And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.”
— Mark 10:8 (KJV)

If a decision will affect your spouse, your children, your finances, your home, or your future, your spouse deserves to know. A marriage cannot remain strong when one person knows the truth while the other is deliberately kept in the dark.

Scripture also teaches:

“The simple believeth every word: but the prudent man looketh well to his going.”
— Proverbs 14:15 (KJV)

Wisdom requires communication before action. Before making major decisions, husband and wife should sit down, talk honestly, listen to each other, pray together, and seek understanding. A decision made secretly may appear successful for a moment, but the consequences of broken trust can remain for years.

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The Bible says:

“Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”
— Amos 3:3 (KJV)

Agreement does not mean that husband and wife will always have the same opinion. It means they are willing to communicate, consider each other’s concerns, and work toward a common direction.

A marriage should not be a place where secrets are protected at the expense of trust. Privacy has its place, but deliberate secrecy about major matters can become destructive. If something is important enough to change the direction of the family, it is important enough to be discussed.

Remember:

A marriage does not usually collapse because of one big decision. Sometimes it begins to crumble through repeated secrecy, hidden actions, broken promises, and the gradual destruction of trust.

Therefore, husbands and wives should choose truth over deception, communication over silence, unity over selfishness, and wisdom over impulsive decisions.

“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.”
— Ecclesiastes 4:9 (KJV)

If you want your marriage to remain strong, do not make your spouse a stranger to decisions that shape the life you are supposed to build together. Talk. Listen. Pray. Be honest. Build trust before the cracks become too deep to repair.

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WHAT YOU DO IN SECRET CAN SHOUT IN PUBLIC

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Many people are careful about what they do when others are watching, but character is revealed by what a person does when nobody is watching. You may hide your actions from people, but nothing is hidden from God.

The Bible says:

“For there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; neither hid, that shall not be known.”
— Luke 12:2 (KJV)

What you think is safely hidden today may become tomorrow’s testimony. Secret lies, secret corruption, secret betrayal, secret immorality, and secret wickedness may remain unknown to people for a while, but they do not remain hidden forever.

Numbers 32:23 warns:

“Be sure your sin will find you out.”
— Numbers 32:23 (KJV)

Therefore, do not live two different lives—one before people and another behind closed doors. Do not build a public reputation while secretly destroying your character.

Jesus also said:

“For there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; neither hid, that shall not be known.”
— Matthew 10:26 (KJV)

The best protection against public shame is private integrity. Do what is right even when nobody can see you. Speak the truth when lying would benefit you. Be faithful when nobody is checking. Refuse what is wrong even when you know you could get away with it.

God sees what people cannot see:

“For his eyes are upon the ways of man, and he seeth all his goings.”
— Job 34:21 (KJV)

Remember, reputation is what people know about you, but character is who you really are when the doors are closed.

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If you have something in your secret life that you would be ashamed for the whole world to discover, do not wait until it is exposed. Correct it now. Turn away from wrongdoing and choose righteousness.

“He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.”
— Proverbs 28:13 (KJV)

What you do in secret can eventually shout in public. Therefore, live in such a way that your private life will not contradict your public image. Let your character be clean when nobody is watching, so you will have nothing to fear when everything is brought to light.

Live right. Be honest. Keep your heart clean. What is hidden from people is never hidden from God.

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