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Police removed me from my abusive marriage — Victoria Inyama

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What do you remember most fondly about the era of filmmaking when you were active on the movie scene?

I remember the authenticity. We were very real, down-to-earth, humble, and hungry to showcase our talents. There was no competition, no obsession with views or popularity. We just wanted to act, even when many of us didn’t fully understand what the industry entailed. We got into it with passion and truly enjoyed it. That sincerity is what I remember the most.

Many fans would love to see you on the screen again. Are you open to a comeback, or has your passion shifted completely to other things?

My passion has shifted, but if the right opportunity comes along, I would gladly step in front of the camera again. Right now, though, my focus is on psychology, wellness, and mental health; supporting people on their journeys of healing and well-being. That’s what truly drives me now.

What’s one role you played that still lives rent-free in your mind today?

I loved all my roles. Each of them was impactful in its own way. I don’t take on roles just for entertainment; they have to mean something. If I had to pick one, it would be ‘Love From Above’. It touched on domestic violence at a time when I didn’t even fully understand what domestic violence was. Life later gave that role a deeper meaning for me.

You’ve become a vocal mental health advocate and are training in therapy. What inspired you to go down that path?

I have always cared deeply about people and been curious about why we behave the way we do. Psychology gave me the tools to study and understand human behaviour. Growing up in Nigeria and later moving abroad exposed me to very different cultures, and I wanted to know: what truly shapes us?

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How do our experiences and beliefs influence our identity?

Spirituality has always been central to my life, but I also wanted to go deeper. That curiosity led me to psychology. For me, it’s not only about mental health, but about wholeness and well-being.

You’ve been living in the United Kingdom for a while. What do you miss the most about Nigeria?

I mostly miss my friends. Apart from that, not much. Nigeria feels chaotic compared to where I live now—in a quiet village in Kent. I have become accustomed to the calm here, so while I miss the people, I don’t necessarily miss the environment.

What have you learnt about identity as you navigate life abroad?

My experience has been different from many others. When I came to the UK, I stayed with my dad, who worked in the House of Commons, so I didn’t struggle with integration the way some people did. I focused on academia, which made things easier for me. That said, navigating identity abroad is complex, and sometimes there are things I prefer not to say openly for professional reasons.

How do you keep your Nigerian roots alive in your everyday life and parenting?

I speak Igbo to my children, teach them about their culture, and stay active in our family and village meetings. I am proud of my heritage. I come from a beautiful royal family, and I instill that pride in my kids. Roots give you confidence and identity. That’s why I make sure my children know who they are and where they come from.

If you could go back in time and give young Victoria one piece of advice, what would it be?

Don’t be too kind. Kindness is beautiful, but people often take advantage of it and mistake it for weakness. When you eventually push back, you’re painted as the bad person. I still remind myself to set boundaries and not be overly accommodating.

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In a world full of filters, how do you stay true to yourself on social media?

By being content. I don’t fake it. I don’t believe in “fake it till you make it”; that’s too stressful. I’m not a fashionista; I’m more focused on academics and personal growth. Education and training will take you far, not pretense.

Even my children know this. My eldest son is entrepreneurial, but I insist he gets at least a degree and a Master’s, because education gives you the foundation to manage your future. On social media, I post and move on. My work is sensitive, so I don’t get into unnecessary exchanges.

What’s your secret to staying fresh and young?

I mind my business. In the past, I tried to correct people on social media, but I learnt it wasn’t worth the backlash. Peace of mind and letting go of unnecessary stress keep me looking and feeling young.

You’ve spoken candidly about surviving abuse. How did your personal experience shape your counselling and healing?

Psychology has been instrumental in my healing. It gave me knowledge and tools to understand what I went through. My spirituality also helped, through forgiveness, gratitude, and letting go. That’s how I’ve been able to move forward.

You once said domestic violence is a norm in Nigeria. Can you elaborate?

Unfortunately, many people in Nigeria don’t recognise domestic violence for what it is. They see it as normal. I have been attacked online for speaking out because the assumption is always that the man is the abuser, when women can be perpetrators too.

Over time, I realised that society often brushes it aside. If the abuser is wealthy or influential, people excuse it. It used to hurt me deeply, but now I see how normalised it is. The mentality really needs to change.

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How did you find the strength to leave your toxic marriage?

I didn’t leave; I was removed by the police. That’s the truth. I wouldn’t have left otherwise.

What advice do you have for women trying to reclaim their voices after years of silence and domestic violence?

Move on and live your life. Improve yourself, release the pain, and don’t let the past destroy your future. In psychology, we say, “the body keeps the score.” Stress leaves marks on the mind, heart, and even physical health. Many survivors later develop illnesses because of the toll stress takes. My advice is to let go, focus on your healing, and make the best of the life you still have.

How do you balance being a mum, psychologist and a public figure all at once?

I can’t tell you exactly how I do it; I just take it one day at a time. First of all, being a mother is everything. After God, my kids come first. Having a great relationship with them is paramount, because I don’t want them to have miserable childhood memories. I make sure I’m present for all three of them. They’re young adults now, and they need guidance and direction. We are friends, but with healthy boundaries.

With my master’s in applied psychology and coaching psychology, I also support people through therapy. My style is personal because I know what it feels like to be in certain situations. Even though everyone’s experiences differ, there’s often a sense of sadness or drowning. My duty is to help lift people up.

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Parents, Don’t Make Your Children Pay for a Broken Marriage

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A broken marriage can leave adults hurt and angry—but children should never become the victims of problems they did not create.

When a relationship falls apart, emotions can run high. There may be disappointment, resentment, arguments, betrayal, or years of unresolved problems between the couple.

But one thing should remain clear:

The children are not responsible for the failure of their parents’ marriage.

Children did not choose the arguments. They did not cause the separation. They did not make the decisions that brought the relationship to an end.

Yet, in some families, children can become caught in the middle of their parents’ conflict.

A frustrated parent may shout at a child because of anger toward the other parent. Another may use the child to pass messages, criticize the other parent in front of them, or pressure the child to take sides.

This can place an emotional burden on children that they are not prepared to carry.

Your Child Is Not Your Enemy

A child who misbehaves is still a child. They should not be punished for the mistakes, choices, or actions of another adult.

Before taking your frustration out on your son or daughter, take a moment and ask yourself:

“Is my child really the reason I am angry?”

If the answer is no, then don’t make the child pay the price.

Your child may not understand everything happening between the adults, but they can certainly feel the tension.

They need reassurance, stability, love and protection—especially when the family is going through a difficult period.

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Don’t Force Children to Choose Sides

Even when parents no longer live together, children should not be turned into weapons against one another.

Avoid making children feel guilty for loving both parents.

A child should be allowed to say, “I love my mother” and “I love my father” without feeling that they have betrayed either parent.

Adults may have serious disagreements, but children should not be forced to carry those disagreements.

Protect Their Hearts

You cannot always control how a marriage ends.

But you can control how you treat your children during and after the separation.

You can choose not to insult them because you are angry.

You can choose not to use them as messengers.

You can choose not to make them responsible for adult problems.

And you can choose to remind them:

“None of this is your fault. You are loved.”

A broken relationship does not have to create broken children.

Parents, deal with your pain without transferring it to the innocent children who still look to you for love and protection.

What do you think?

Should parents completely separate their marital conflicts from their relationship with their children?

Share your thoughts in the comments.

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YOUR MARRIAGE IS NOT A PUBLIC VOTING CONTEST!

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One of the biggest mistakes couples can make is allowing outsiders to become the voice of their relationship.

A friend hears one argument.

A relative hears one complaint.

Someone hears one side of the story—and suddenly they are telling you how to treat your spouse.

Before you accept someone else’s opinion, remember: they may know your spouse’s mistakes, but they may not know the full story.

Healthy couples should learn to communicate directly, protect their private matters, and resolve disagreements without allowing gossip and outside pressure to control the relationship.

That does not mean ignoring genuine concerns or refusing to seek help when a relationship has serious problems. Sometimes trusted family members, counselors, or professionals can provide valuable support.

But there is a difference between helpful advice and advice that creates hatred, disrespect, suspicion, or division.

❤️ Protect what you and your spouse are building.

💬 QUESTION FOR OUR READERS:

Should couples keep most marital problems between themselves, or should they involve family and friends when things go wrong?

👇 Tell us your honest opinion in the comments.
📲 Share this post and let other couples join the conversation.

#NewsBreak365 #Relationships #Marriage #Couples #LoveAndMarriage #RelationshipAdvice #MarriageAdvice #Family #Communication

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When Couples Turn Private Secrets Into Public Gossip

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Some couples are good at exposing their spouse’s secrets to other people—but what happens to trust when private matters become public conversation?

Marriage and relationships are built on more than love. Trust, respect, loyalty and confidentiality are also important parts of a healthy relationship.

Unfortunately, some couples reveal their partner’s private information whenever they have an argument. A disagreement that should be handled between two people can quickly become a story shared with friends, relatives, neighbours or even people on social media.

Your partner may have trusted you enough to share personal struggles, family problems, financial difficulties, past mistakes or emotional concerns. Turning those private conversations into gossip can cause serious damage to that trust.

Not Every Argument Needs an Audience

Every relationship has disagreements. Couples will not always see things the same way, and emotions can become intense.

But there is a difference between seeking genuine advice from a trusted person and deliberately exposing your partner simply to embarrass them or make yourself look like the victim.

Once private information is shared, you cannot completely control where it goes.

The people who hear the secret may remember it long after the couple has settled their disagreement.

Think Before You Speak

Before revealing something personal about your spouse, ask yourself:

“Would I want my partner to tell other people this same thing about me?”

If the answer is no, it may be worth reconsidering whether the information should be shared.

There are situations where seeking help is necessary, especially when there is abuse, danger, serious financial problems or other circumstances requiring professional or trusted support. Privacy should not prevent someone from getting the help they genuinely need.

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But ordinary relationship disagreements do not always need a public audience.

Protect the Trust

A relationship should be a place where both partners can feel safe discussing their fears, weaknesses and mistakes without constantly worrying that their private conversations will become tomorrow’s gossip.

Love is not only about what you say when things are going well. It is also about how you handle your partner’s vulnerability when things go wrong.

Before exposing your spouse’s secrets, remember that the argument may end, but the damage to trust can remain.

What Do You Think?

Should couples keep their partner’s private matters confidential even when they are angry with each other?

Share your thoughts in the comments.

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